In the end

Remembering all the times I fought with

I’m surprised it got so far.

Or did it? It didn’t go anywhere, it didn’t go. It just stayed put. not moving an inch ahead, not stepping back.

A girl I knew in grad school passed away today. No one knows how, no one knows why. Her Facebook story is just 14 hours ago and she is dead. I can’t seem to grasp the meaning of her being gone. All you see are people writing RIP on her wall. Gone too soon. May you find peace. But where is she? Is she sensing the pain she left behind? The shock it has sent through so many people.

I cant imagine how small the world is. I just commented on her demise and my colleague said, how do YOU know her? So they knew her too.. and we all go about our work, having lunch, listening to music. Just a few words of startling news and then we continue with our work, or play, or lives. I wonder who would remember me, I wonder who would care. Who would go about their lives and who would be shell shocked. Who would care. Who wouldn’t bother. How do we know the impact we have on people around us? Is it as fickle as the swipe of a screen, moving to another story on Facebook? Is this all we are? News? Gossip? Or just a moment someone passes by?

What will happen of her parents or her to be husband? How will they move on? How are they absorbing the accident that took her away in just a few hours?

And that makes me think. Do our fights matter? Do we mean all the nasty things we say callously? in the moment we do, we just want to hurt people. We just want them to feel. To hurt. To scathe. To have vengeance. For one thing or another. We don’t want to be quiet. Why should we be? People deserve to be punished for what they have done to you or me! They deserve the anger, the rudeness, the pain. Or the silence. Ah. the silent treatment. Ghosting. the newest term for disappearing or ignoring someone.

What matters in the end. That is what I am wondering. What was it that I would be thinking of or recalling or worrying about when I am about to die. What would I be wanting or needing in those moments when I would be terrified or would I be wanting respite and wanting to meet my Maker? Would I be dreading the journey or would I be looking forward to moving on from this World.

In the End.

What will you be needing? Who will you want at your side?

I wish I knew it so I would know who to cherish and who to not care about.

Break

Have a break, have a Kit Kat!

Is it important to take a break, pause from the usual?

Whatever you do, however you do it, you will get tired of doing and functioning in a similar pattern. Breaking free from the routine provides you respite, whether it is a forced change or a voluntary one.

Perhaps you need space to zone out.

Perhaps you didn’t even know you needed it and it is forced upon you.

Habits form in 3 weeks and to be thrust into a different life is a jolt. It is your call how you handle such changes, or maybe it is your attitude that needs to adjust according to the changing winds.

Learn to go with the flow. Learn to see the bigger picture.

Once upon an angry woman

10 years ago me

sarahqureshi's avatarsarahqureshi

How much is too much? When should one know to stop? Back off a little? Give someone a break? Space? That is what, at 27, after being in a relationship for over 6 years, and now going through a horrific divorce with him, I have still not managed to figure out.

I have been told to grow up and act my age. What the hell does that mean? How DOES one act their age! Is there a certain decorum one must observe at 5, then 15, then 25 years! I just don’t understand this statement; though I must admit, I myself have used it innumerable times, and that too, on my toddler! Poor kid just looks at me with such a bewildered expression that I realise at once what I have just asked him to do. How come what I have realised, my mother or siblings don’t? I’m not even…

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