Fighting with myself is the most difficult.
I hate it
But fight I must.
Fight over what to eat, what to wear, what to say, where to go, who to be with.
Isn’t it easier to succumb? To all that others want me to do and be? To all that I feel like? To all, that’s such a piece of cake?
Why bother listening to the ‘inner Sarz’? It’s just so simple, doing as I want is such a lucid river to swim across, then why do I choose the murky, raging whirlpool?
What difference does it make to anyone what I choose to do and NOT to do! It seems like our lives are run by everyone around us except ourselves. The reins are never in our hands; instead, the neighborhood big mouth, the college bully, the irritating MIL, the infernally interfering ‘friend’ all have their own input and two cent’s worth to contribute towards us, completely unwarranted, I might add..!
Err, we might, humans, aren’t we all? Decisions we take might not be the best and choicest. Who gives a shit! If you don’t scald your hand, how would you learn to keep away!
Taking the high road has never been as plain as ABC; its about time, you learn to move past the laughing hyenas and abysmal cliff and smile the smile that makes all wonder what it is that you know and they don’t. Be happy with yourself. Own yourself.
Make the most of the time you have here, as there won’t be any left to repent when you move on.
Live like you want, talk like you should, jump off a cliff, take a chance!
Live a little!
You know how it is.
Sometimes we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another.
A very intimidating, exceptionally smart man once told me, “it is far easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.”
I did what he said. It is much more difficult to cajole people and convince them to let you do something or get them to do something. I learned it the hard way. It took months of emailing to get approval. It takes weeks of planning the exact moments and words to use to get mom to say yes, and then there are times when all is what you thought would be perfect, still, it bombs, big time.
There is no ‘perfect’ timing, place or manner.
It’s not luck.
It’s not science.
It’s not an art.
It is a mystery, almost impossible to unravel. Even a 6 year old may not forgive you for what you said or did, if it affects him too deeply or bleeds where you cut, accidentally or otherwise. It may be something you may find trivial that holds tantamount significance for another.
Saying that you don’t need or want or have.
Not paying attention.
Or maybe even deleting from your friend list..
What is it that makes it a task to forgive? Is it your ego? Is it the fear of being hurt again? Is it too big for you?
And then there are those that forgive and forget so very swiftly. Trust blindly. Get duped infinitely. And still believe in the human race. Hopeless romantics, they are. Does the world love taking advantage of them? Or do they let themselves be played?
It takes generosity, patience and kindness to forgive. Or perhaps, sheer stupidity. But forgive, we must. Or we shall never move on. Forgiving is mandatory for our survival in the race.
Going to great lengths to harm ones who harmed you will get you nothing and nowhere. It is a useless activity that only serves to sink you deeper in the quicksand of hatred, vengeance and a darkness that doesn’t dwell in you, but ends up engulfing you for too long.
An art or a science, it is what you must. Be a man. Let go. Succumb to a higher power instead. And pray. That He forgives you for hardening against another.
Shudder and beg for His forgiveness, night and day. Pray for help. Pray for sanity. Pray for hope. Pray for love.
And wait for the answer.
|“Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error [2:286]” – — Quran|