Fighting with myself is the most difficult.
I hate it
But fight I must.
Fight over what to eat, what to wear, what to say, where to go, who to be with.
Isn’t it easier to succumb? To all that others want me to do and be? To all that I feel like? To all, that’s such a piece of cake?
Why bother listening to the ‘inner Sarz’? It’s just so simple, doing as I want is such a lucid river to swim across, then why do I choose the murky, raging whirlpool?
What difference does it make to anyone what I choose to do and NOT to do! It seems like our lives are run by everyone around us except ourselves. The reins are never in our hands; instead, the neighborhood big mouth, the college bully, the irritating MIL, the infernally interfering ‘friend’ all have their own input and two cent’s worth to contribute towards us, completely unwarranted, I might add..!
Err, we might, humans, aren’t we all? Decisions we take might not be the best and choicest. Who gives a shit! If you don’t scald your hand, how would you learn to keep away!
Taking the high road has never been as plain as ABC; its about time, you learn to move past the laughing hyenas and abysmal cliff and smile the smile that makes all wonder what it is that you know and they don’t. Be happy with yourself. Own yourself.
Make the most of the time you have here, as there won’t be any left to repent when you move on.
Live like you want, talk like you should, jump off a cliff, take a chance!
Live a little!
Failure, as I see, is not what breaks us. Neither does its admission. It is the failure to realize that we have failed that does. It takes a big person with an even bigger heart coupled with a very tiny ego to admit that they did not succeed.
From birth, we are taught to win, at school, in a race to prove ourselves better than all around (or maybe even just a few). Being taller, prettier, smarter, bigger, faster, funnier, or any other ‘-er’, a few inches, a few points more. We are raised with the expectations that we will make our family proud by being superior in some way, somehow. Each small victory is celebrated massively and every stumble is dismissed actively. We want to show our children that we love them, but not their ‘faults’, their shortcomings. Coming from a family of over achievers is very trying if you have managed to disappoint in some aspect of your life, be it school, work or love. What we do not see or close our eyes and hearts to, is the spectrum of triumph and how broad it is..
What you may view as a problem, disappointment or mistake, may be a blessing millions pray for each day. The capacity to read, write, look, smell, taste, walk, touch, feel, breathe is desired by someone somewhere. Each moment you live, each breath you take is a celebration of your presence. Whether you lack the ability of sight or the vision of possibilities has deserted you is the question.
Not being able to see is not as tragic as not being able to dream.
Not being someone’s better half than not being half better than who you were yesterday.
Losing or winning the races or by the standards set by the world around, but forgetting your true potential leads you down the path of denial, self destruction and ultimately the greatest loss- the loss of the Real You. Failing at what you really want in life will not derail you or destroy you either. It will strengthen your resolve, solidify your belief in you and fuel a burst of energy toward your passions.
We fail each day. We still keep moving forward. Failing helps us learn. What to avoid, what not to do, and what to try. It brings out creativity and keeps the wheels turning.
Enjoy your disappointment more than your excitement. It will move you to move mountains.
Raise the bar.
A very intimidating, exceptionally smart man once told me, “it is far easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.”
I did what he said. It is much more difficult to cajole people and convince them to let you do something or get them to do something. I learned it the hard way. It took months of emailing to get approval. It takes weeks of planning the exact moments and words to use to get mom to say yes, and then there are times when all is what you thought would be perfect, still, it bombs, big time.
There is no ‘perfect’ timing, place or manner.
It’s not luck.
It’s not science.
It’s not an art.
It is a mystery, almost impossible to unravel. Even a 6 year old may not forgive you for what you said or did, if it affects him too deeply or bleeds where you cut, accidentally or otherwise. It may be something you may find trivial that holds tantamount significance for another.
Saying that you don’t need or want or have.
Not paying attention.
Or maybe even deleting from your friend list..
What is it that makes it a task to forgive? Is it your ego? Is it the fear of being hurt again? Is it too big for you?
And then there are those that forgive and forget so very swiftly. Trust blindly. Get duped infinitely. And still believe in the human race. Hopeless romantics, they are. Does the world love taking advantage of them? Or do they let themselves be played?
It takes generosity, patience and kindness to forgive. Or perhaps, sheer stupidity. But forgive, we must. Or we shall never move on. Forgiving is mandatory for our survival in the race.
Going to great lengths to harm ones who harmed you will get you nothing and nowhere. It is a useless activity that only serves to sink you deeper in the quicksand of hatred, vengeance and a darkness that doesn’t dwell in you, but ends up engulfing you for too long.
An art or a science, it is what you must. Be a man. Let go. Succumb to a higher power instead. And pray. That He forgives you for hardening against another.
Shudder and beg for His forgiveness, night and day. Pray for help. Pray for sanity. Pray for hope. Pray for love.
And wait for the answer.
|“Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error [2:286]” – — Quran|
Now I can’t get enough, can’t get sated.
Its true the more you learn, the more you want, yearn even. Once you know how erotically a peach tastes, then only will your mouth crave its tantalizing your entire self.
Who would have thought that a ‘dumb blond’ would even look twice at what is integral to the workings of a business? Who had the audacity to let her believe that she could contribute and make a difference in the lives of those around her; ones, who don’t look twice at her, lest she ‘smokeys’ her eyes up..? Maybe she needed a push, a shove and a guiding hand in the direction that she is now trying to take. It’s so shocking that what was a year ago an aggravation, is now a part of the landscape.
Things do come full circle. People grow, and change. Some for the better, some become the most painful beings.
I understand. I sympathise. I feel. Their pain. Their anger. Their love. Their animosity. I may not be the best advisor, but I hear them.
Like few others do.
Why do I bother? Is it my duty at work? Is it me?
This isn’t an attempt at sainthood. Mother Teresa, I ain’t.
I know how I feel. I need someone to hear me.
Not listen, hear.
I don’t need you to understand or feel my agony or give me suggestions. Just hear me buzz away like an annoying fly in your ear. Hear me drone. That’s all. Don’t solve my problems, I can help myself. Offer me when I ask.
I am just giving what I WANT to receive. Nothing more, nothing less.
Even if I don’t make a difference in 650 people’s lives, I may make it in 3’s.
We need to learn to believe that we are a nation. Believers in our abilities. Believe that you can succeed. If you want to get your targets, if you need to buy a bike, if you are saving up for your anniversary, if you are wanting a hug tonight. Believe that you can!
And help me believe so can I.
Dreaming is everyone’s right. Let me dream a little dream tonight…