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Love or lust?

Are these the only two feelings that people have amongst each other, especially the opposing gender?

A ‘psychiatrist’ said on TV last night that all humans try to identify whether their relation with another is of a ‘friend, foe or lover’. Are there no other areas covered in the relations we have with those around us?

There are those who don’t fall in any of the categories mentioned. There are those that are indifferent and then those that are obsessive. There are also those that are confused as to who exactly they are and what they represent to you, or what you are to them. Is it truly crucial to name each and every feeling, emotion and connection that we make?

And what of those that have long gone? From our lives, but maybe not our hearts? We recall them. Nostalgia may hit us like the strong whiff of cinnamon in a bakery. You may be hit by thoughts of some one like a cold bucket of water in the face when least expected, by a song you hear in a mall or the back of a stranger’s head in a crowded restaurant. 

They are all just faces in the crowd and mean very less to any one of us, but may mean a lot to some of us. 

I want to let go. Why can’t I bring myself to? Is there comfort in the pain? Is there familiarity in the sorrow that has permeated me? It has engulfed my very being. Why is it that I choose not to recall the bad, but remember only the good? Why is it that when I think consciously, I think only of what horrors it brought, and not often the sprinkling of little pleasures it surprised me with? 

Divorce.

Is it just a word?

A state?

An identity?

Is it only sadness and breaking apart? 

And how come it has completely lost its gravity?

Why do we hear it so often? 

Does it not matter any more to people marriage is an institution? Not a college that you may graduate out of or even quit early? Its a journey of sorts.

Most of those who choose not to be a part of this think through a million times before deciding to move forward. Some don’t bother doing so. It’s like changing clothes. How can it be so easy for them to get up and move on? What is it that they have that I don’t? I grieve not for the person, but for all that could have been but wasn’t. I am gonna say it out loud. I left. For a reason. I never in my heart believed it could work. Try, I did. It just didn’t. Now what? Is this why all my relationships I  see with mistrust and doubt? I trust no one and every one. Do I feel that it will all vanish too?

It has ended, S. Let it go.

How?

Just do it.

Don’t think.

Let

go.

 

Be.

Don’t worry. Things change. Let them. 

Look at the people around you, a woman who’s been stranded by her husband and looks so lost. Another who has divorced the second time and seems not to care. Who knows what is going on in them? I don’t. Neither do you.

Stop judging.

It has ended. It never will, unless you let it.

Stop glancing back so you can look ahead. 

 

“Had God pleased, He would have united you in one community; but He lets go astray whoever He will, and guides whoever He will, and you will surely be called upon to account for all your actions.”

— The Quran

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One comment

  1. UberMens International ! · October 8, 2012

    its true, sheer and utter reflection oV what you have been through…. Be Blessed .. Motii… 🙂

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