Each number signifying a moment in the history of me.
The beginning of a new life.
The collapse of another.
The remains of a crumbling building, the erection of a facade that was just that, a facade.
We begin each day with a hope, a fear. The hope that it would be the best day of our life; the fear that it could be the worst. Whatever it ends up being, is anyone’s guess.
Are there any ‘best’ or ‘worst’ days? Or isn’t that a relative term?
The shocking demise of a loving mother in a plane crash that left a family of three young boys with no one to fend for them; the birth of a son that was told to be never a part of your life, that you would never be a parent; the engagement that was decided at the birth of the blushing bride; the saying of the ‘I do’s, the signing of the divorce papers.. What are all these, except for mere instances that are gone in the blink of an eye?
Why do they seem so life-changing, catastrophic, phenomenal, exhilarating, profound, and so very unforgettable!
And then there is another day, another time, and you forget yesterday. Just like that. You have a new ‘best’ or ‘worst’. Is it that difficult a task to forget or is it even supposed to be forgotten? Should I choose to let go? Should I hang on? Should I relive each moment each time a date arrives that ‘meant’ something? The problem that some people have is an excruciatingly crystal clarity of recall. Total. Recall. And perhaps the inability to delete numbers from your mind.
Could be phone numbers. Birthdays. Dates.
First times- first valentine’s, first anniversary, first kiss, first job, first walk-down-the-beach, first Tiramusu sharing, first last-day-together, firsts, and more firsts or perhaps a few lasts.
Numbers! These numbers that just refuse to disappear into the abysmal well of oblivion!
A chance meeting in a place which I visited after 20 years introduced me to the Theory of Obliquity by John Kay that went something like this:
‘Certain targets are achieved only as a side-effect of aiming for something else’
As Rameez aptly elaborated with a gorgeous example– Trying to be happy is a recipe for misery!
Quite an epiphany, a true Aha! moment, wouldn’t you say! Sometimes you don’t need to try so hard, or you do end up getting value added services (pun intended!).
And he continues with ‘We often can’t pinpoint what our goals are anyway; circumstances change; people change – and are infuriatingly hard to predict.’
So yeah, I am gonna try not to try so hard anymore. There is a time to be happy, a time to be sad.
I may have a Drop Dead Vogue-ishly Gorgeous smiling exterior BUT I’m sad today. Let me be.
I’m outta-this-world-punch-drunk-euphoric as I fly over the clouds with the sunlight streaming through to my Boeing 747 window. Let me be.
I am falling in love. Or perhaps falling in love with the idea of falling in love. Or maybe I’m already in love..?
Is today the best day ever? Time will tell.
Let me be 🙂