I know you are using me. I am a little slow but not entirely naive. All the smiles mask a sinister and quite selfish motive. I can see it. It takes time but yes, I can see. The blind and inexplicable trust that is stubbornly a part of my person, and just refuses to let go of me, does get shattered time and again. Day after day. And I let you do it one more time. Why? I am truly at a loss as I don’t have an answer either.
People don’t get exploited. They let themselves get exploited.
Use, abuse and throw away. That is the mantra today. A really good friend of mine tried teaching me this same new trendy way of living. I just stood dumbfounded when he said this. I was gaping open- mouthed, and wondering how in God’s name does this man get away with it? And I have seen him getting away, and actually scott free. Its like, no one bothers with courtesy and gratitude and favors for no reason. There is something that EVERYONE wants. However trivial it may be, but theres always a little, teeny tiny thing. No one ever does anything unconditionally.
I need to learn this new routine and this salsa that everyone is dancing to the new beat. I try, it just isn’t my cup of tea. I can’t use anyone. I get too attached. People matter to me. Even the rudest of a colleague, the meanest of a classmate, the lowest of them, they are people. And I believe in them. I keep thinking, this is the last time I am doing this, the last person I’m caving in to. Courtesy and a weirdly guilty sense of obligation, I suppose.
So, what should I be doing? Continue to be ‘used’ and ‘abused’ ? Develop a thicker skin? Be ruthless myself? I am at a loss…..